Selfishness?

Filed in Charanne , THE BABBIES 1 comments

Hey lovely ladies! It’s been a while since my last post, but school and life in general got the better of me. Y’all know how that is.

Anyhoo, I was reading an article on Time’s web site about Michelle Obama.

It touched on the opinions the nation has collectively had of Mrs. Obama. She was “anti-American” at first, but now she has “soften[ed] it up.” In this softening up, the media continually has placed her fashion sense ahead of Michelle as an individual. Whether it’s those Lanvin sneakers or that darn black and red dress, people are talking. I guess it’s amazing to America as a whole to see a First Lady to which a skirt or pant suit is not the staple.

If an article is not written about her clothing, it’s about her domestic abilities–how she prepares Malia and Sasha for school, takes the dog on walks, etc. Sure, that’s interesting (not really). Basically, I am talking about The Momification of Michelle Obama by Rebecca Traister.

Both the Time’s article and Traister got me thinking about my own life. No, I’m not pregnant nor am I even engaged, but I am in a serious relationship that’s in the marriage trajectory. We have had numerous discussions about children, but not really about the new roles we will be facing when that time comes. I don’t believe in the traditional gender roles. He can cook, so he should (as will I). I can do some manly things…LOL! In my opinion, this is something that needs to be discussed before we take the next step. [Note to self: talk to Donovan about this.]

The thing I am most worried about after marriage is having children. Everywhere I turn, people are asking me when I am getting married or having children. I have thought about it and just do not see it in my immediate future. This is partly because I am selfish and want time to live my life as well as I do not think I am ready. I know, I know–I’ll never really be ready–but dang…I haven’t even finished school and people want me knocked up. I hear, “oh you need to have at least one.” Why? I get the response “because your mother needs grandchildren” blah blah blah.

Obviously speaking from the outside looking in, once the children come into play, complacency can squeeze in there. While we all should be content with our lives, I feel (right now) that if I were to marry and immediately have children, I would never accomplish delay my goals. I am certain I can place a child’s well-being before my own, I am not sure I want to any time soon. Basically my selfishness again. Is that a normal feeling?

This whole topic kind of reminds of that Sex and the City episode, “The Baby Shower.” All the mom’s are basically so involved with their children, they have no time for themselves. Clearly, that’s fiction, but there must be some truth to it. Similar to the girls/women who lose themselves in their new boyfriend. How do you stop it from happening?

Posted by Charanne   @   21 May 2009 1 comments

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Author May 22, 2009
4:18 AM
#1 thehdic :

That Sex in the city episode was hilarious and honestly really true for some folks… It can be reallly easy to get caught up in the mamahood and forget about youhood… I think with the twins I did that a bit… But I’m forcing myself out of that because frankly losing yourself is TERRIBLE for your kids…

I don’t think its selfishness really, I think you are intelligent enough to know what you want and don’t want. That is a fabulous thing…That is the mark of someone who is going to be a great mother.

Right now kids aren’t it, that totally fine! Accomplish every single goal you have before you get knocked up. Being completely fufilled before you take the plunge will make you the best kind of mother.

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