Mother's Days have typically been fail-y for me. From Mother's Days with my mom criticizing the card or gift for not being enough or me not being enough, to Michael and his "I don't believe in them Holiday's" stuff,  to being pregnant with the twins and vomitting in my blinged out bucket, while Michael took the kids to get away from me and all the damn sickness, only to have me end up being rushed to the ER… Mother's Days have been. uh, less than stellar.

So this year, I didn't expect anything. I asked MIchael to take the kids to buy me a card, or help them hand make me one or something. As of yet, I haven't recieved it.  Maybe I will. Maybe I won't but I'll try not to let it hurt me. I also told him I thought it would be cool to write a mother's day letter from him to me that he could post on the blog… He's a good writer and letters from him always mean so much to me… But those kinds of things don't carry much weight with him. So he won't  understand why it would have been  important to me. I try to explain it… But his eyes just glaze over and he drifts away to union  mailman land. LOL. He doesn't mean it in a bad way and he's always been like this… So its one of those thing I need to accept handle deal with?.  Hell,I don't know what I need to do about it. But I know it's not going to worry me or my Mother's day. 

In his defense, he did say Happy Mother's Day this morning and make me my requested breakfast of an egg and toast and is doing the dishes and is being fantastically kind and loving.  This is a VAST improvement over past mother's days where I got a mass text message forwarded to me. I will take any joy I recieve today and be happy and count it all as joy. Also in fab husband news: last week, Michael and I  took a walk to Target where bought me this:

Ladies’ Schwinn Roxie Cruiser Bike

SQUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! 

Holy FLYNESS BABMAN! I am in love… I have always, always, wanted an extra girly, PINK ASS BIKE!  ALWAYS! So when I found this bike I wanted it soooo bad… SO BAD.  But when I went here and here they both said they were out of stock. Its a cruel cruel world… I said ah welll and expected to get  what I could get which seemed to be a light teal-y blue Magna (gag).

So imagine the kind of SHUCKING and JIVING gleeful, HA LAY LOO, Just found out I am not the father on Maury type dance scream and general Joytasticness that occurred when MIchael and I turned the corner and saw the Pink Schwinn Roxie Cruiser awaiting us in the bike section of the Target that is about 2.3 seconds from our house…

It went something like this.

LOL Ya'll think I'm playing but as soon as I saw this beezy. I started singing, " This is your day, AMMEEENN. This is your day, AMEEENNN. The day of the LAWWDDDD!" I think I may have even done the popping and locking and diving in front of the cashier but I can't be sure… Michaels been muttering some stuff under his breath about not being able to take me out in public if I keep break dancing on command like this but whatevs, I GOT MY BIKE! Tee hee.  It was my day, amen, the day of SENNNAAMMM. The day of SENNAAAMMMM. AMEN!

I've decided to name her I was debating if it was girl or a boy. But then I decided it was a Drag Queen-y Tranny type Shim like I suspect half these chicks are. 

(Let's be honest there are at least 2 Adam's Apple's & one package bump CLEARLY visible in this picture…)

 But realistically, I envision my bike as the kind of Drag Queen that would  Lip SANK for his Liiiffeee be the winner of this: 

Side note: I am completely aware that Rupaul is a 6 foot 15 inch bald head skinny ass man. BUT WHAT THE FABULOUS?! Who is in charge of this  fierce ass flawless makeup? His lacefrontologist deserves the Nobel HairPeace Prize! Cause I could swear that those luxrious blond locks are growing out of his bald ass head every single time he hits the runway…. I am TOTALLY Jealous of His Boogie."

So anyway, I love my bike… After a very brief twitter confence with @witchdoctordash and @thecolorbrowne who reccomended Gertrude and Keisha. I went with my first mind and named her myself…

Ladies and Gentleman… I give you PinKEISHA…

pronounced PAANKK-EY-SHHA plese reespeck the pronunciationamums.

As we rolled her up to the front of Target to purchase her, almost everybody we passed stopped to comment. Cool Bike! OMG its PANK!  It made me giggle that everybody thought my bike was fab. I'm on the hunt for a basket and some streamers for her! And of course a matching fabulous pink racing outfit for me to ride her in.

PinKeisha is one of the many first steps I'm making around this joint in the whole love and respect myself thang, we talked about in the first paragraph of this blog post. That night when we first got PinKeisha. Michael, Solstice, and I went for a bike ride while my mom and the twins slept.  It was amazing. Gorgeous night, Giggling family, and me being phyisically active and loving it.  Solstice said, Mommy, your bike is AWESOME and then asked me why I didn't get a Hello Kitty Bike with training wheels like hers. LOL. What'd I tell you… Flawless victory…. 

Well I'm off to put my flower in my hair, get a healthy snack, take a nap, and then head out to go use this thing I got yesterday: 

NO NOT The Wendy's Free Frosty thing…. LMAO… I AM GOING TO THE GYYYYMMMMMM.  Cause I want to have a 100 more days where my baby girl will wake up and say, Happy Mother's Day, Mommy.

 Stay fierce, fabulous, and Happy on Mother's Day and everyday,

Everywhere we go we are stopped. It most appropriately and affectionately know as the twin parade. Going to pick up toilet paper at Target with them is an obstacle course.

Complete with cheek pinching Grandma's who want to tell you all about their grandkids…

"Picture it… It was Sicilly…."

Or its Screeching teenage girls  who begin every sentence with OMG and love any and all things cute. And lets face it these kids I got are preettty cute

.

"OMG!!! SQUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE are they twins?  OMG they are so cute!  When I  grow up I want to have 5 kids, all boys. I'm toootallly going to name them Ronnie, Bobbie, Ricky, Lil' Wayne and O-M-G!"

People who shouldn't be allowed to talk to you with out a printed sign permission slip.

These people are the ones that make me go IN.

Asshat: "So which one them is the evil one?"

ME:"Which one of Your children is the STUPID one?"
__________________________________________

Negative Nelly: "OMG. Your done having kids right?

ME: Get out my uterus! Please and Thank you very much.

____________________________________________

ASSHAT #2: Twin boys!  You are totally going to hate your life soon!!  

ME: Well, I already hate you…Thats enough for me.

____________________________________________

NEgative Nelly #2: Oh my god, I'm sooo glad I didn't have twins. 

ME: Me too. God can't just be handing out twins to any random idiot now can he?

_______________________________________________________

So yea… It can be fun… LOL! No really it can be fun… Most of the stuff we get is people who are just amazed at what Twins really are… A DOUBLE BLESSING.  Sometimes you get people who quietly tell you about  their troubles having  children themselves. I always hold these ladies' or men's hands and tell them I'm sending them wonder working power of TWIN JUICE!  Some of you BABs know about the power of my twin JUICE! Lol,

Its silly and it makes us laugh but sometimes I think it gives some of them hope when they need it. Sometimes I get people who are just bowled over by the fact that there are actually 2 of them… IDENTICAL TWINS!!! WOW your so lucky…

It took me a while to get that but yea… I am SOOO Lucky…

Blessed beyond measure, Rich beyond treasure… Being the mother of Twins kinda, sorta, totally, and completely KICKS ASS. While along with all the double nonsense… I get double toothless grins, double little hands clapping when I come home, two little bitty bodies snuggled up against me at nap time, two hands to hold as they learn to walk, talk and navigate this world two beautiful, healthy, strong, little boys to call me mama and make me melt. Its sorta awesome.

I can't say when the doctor first told me it was twins the first thing I thought was, YES, this is going to be awesome… Nope the first thing I thought was… "where is Ashton? Cause clearly I'm being punked!" Ya'll think I'm playing… But I did… I even said that to the doctor… When he showed me both babies… I just laughed, and laughed and laughed…. Cause it was HYSTERICAL…. How could it be possible that I was having twins?

When they found out it was twins I had already had… Wait for it…

Wait for it….

3 ULTRASOUNDS!!!

Thats right snitches!!! They missed a whole extra baby in my va-jay-jay 3 times… The last ultrasound was a DAY before the one where they found the twins… So when from one day to the next it goes from your baby looks lovely to… Hmmmm Did you know  there were two in there?…. Its total Punk'd kind o' situation… It was a complete and total surprise in every sense of the word.

If you are around me at all now… You'll probably think I'm a nut. Cause even though I see these folks every single day… Sometimes the wonder and general fabulousness of it all still takes me by surprise.

Some mornings when I go to get them from their crib… I'll remark, Oh My goodness, There are TWO of YOU!!!" Like sometimes its still shocking to me… Solstice always looks at me sideways like. " ummm you know they are twins, right?

When I put their little hoodies and puffy vests on to take them somewhere… I'm always in here Awwwing and hollering about OMG! Soooo Cute! becuase lets face it… These cats are NOT PLAYING!

Now they hug, kiss, dance with, plot with and generally love the brakes off each other. And that really puts it all over the edge for me!

They are really, really, dope…. Like DOUBLE DOPE!

Since having them….My favorite thing to say is, " this twin stuff aint for NO PUNKS" Its true… So true.. this stuff is pure hell some days. What?!! You don't know by now that if there is one thing I do is keep it real….

The God's honest truth is there are days around here when it sucks…There are days when you could have called my house and you would have heard all of us crying…  Figuring out breastfeeding, figuring our post-partum, figuring out a 2 year-old sister with new twin baby brothers, Figuring out the Bonus children with two new babies, figuring out my marriage with two new babies, figuring out me with two new babies… it was EPPPPIIICCCCCC! Epic I tell you….

I don't really remember much of that first year…

I'm lying… I remember all that shit… I don't know if I'll ever forget…It almost killed me…

Mostly I remember somebody always crying (usually me), I remember the house always being a mess, I remember needing help sooo  sooo badly and nobody being able to (or willing to) help. I remember it all… probably too much..

But I did it… We made it…  and what I have learned is… I can do anything… Like really I think God gave me twins cause he needed to remind me how dope I am.  He needed to remind me that this damn Senam girl he made is kind of like Snapple. Made from the best stuff on earth.

And because of that I know to the very depths of my soul can do anything… Anything… Even stuff that seems completely and totally imposssibllleeee… Even make two whole fabulous humans at one time, and raise them their siblings in to fabulous GOOD people who give to this world in the best ways possible. Cause I can and am. Cause let's face it…. I'm double dope, too.

Stay fierce, fabulous, and made from the best stuff on earth from,

Cassius and Clay are WALKING! I have video but I cant get the to upload right… Figuring that out is on my list of things to do…  If you ask Clay how old he is… He will hold up one finger up in the air triumphantly! IT IS HILARIOUS!!! He will be minding his business, trying to sit on Cassius or steal food from Solstice and If you roll up on him and say, Clay, how old are you? He will Whipp that little finger out and then clap for himself in two seconds FLAT! The clapping for himself is HILARIOUS…He so proud of himself… Look like, I’m that DUDE!!!

I keep trying to get a picture together but I’m all fail all the time… LOL!

Cassius is the climber it seems! I walked into the living room yesterday and he was standing up on Solstice’s  Dora table CRACKING THE F**K UP!  He was screaming laughing…  I , on the other hand, was not amused.. I was like I’m glad you think possibly busting your head is funny… But get your little ass DOWN! He also  has an insane amount of teeth… I have no idea why but for some reason he has like 8,000 more teeth than Clay… That’s an exaggeration but them 2 extra teeth seem like a lot when you only have five.

Do you all know that Michael is fluent in spanish? AY PAPI!

LOL Any way… Solstice is “learning” Spanish from him it seems… Either that or she is learning all the bad words and how to order Elotes from the Corn lady on the corner…

If she drops something she’ll yell Chinga Su. Thankfully she doesn’t remember to add Madre after the Chinga Su. Michael told her that was a bad word and she can’t say it anymore. So she stopped saying it but now when he speaks Spanish Solstice asks, “Are those bad words daddy? Don teach me no bad words, daddy! Mommy will be mad!”

Whenever we pass by the corn lady, Solstice announces that she and Daddy speak Spanish to the  E-lott-tay lady and then the E-lott-tay ladies gives them corn and hot chips… I’m suspcious that “hot chips “is some kind of code word for “Mama. that trollop is flirting with my Daddy” but since the corn lady is 85 and only has 2 teeeth… I’m going to let that ish slide… For NOW..

I’m just kidding, but I’m ashamed to admit that hot chips means Flaming Hot Cheetos and my all organic hand mashed all breast milk fed baby girl LOVES THEM. She is totally obbsessed with Flaming Hots… She threw an actual fit in the store one time when I refused to buy them. All those hours of pumping breastmilk to give her the best…. All those  trips to Whole Paycheck! 7.99 pinapples be damned this little foolywang has the refined palate of a fat truck driver named Pookie. Sigh.  (No offense Pookie!) I love that chick though!!!

Tonight will be a lovely night! The littlest divas and I are having a girls trip!  We are going to go see Princess and the Frog and to dinner! I’m excited even though I have some reservations about the film… Its the first time Solstice has ever said ANYTHING about wanting to see any movie for real so I’m going to take her… We will be wearing Tiaras and carrying magic Wands. She doesn’t know we are going just knows we are taking a Girls trip today! If I told her little tail she would INSIST on wearing her princess dress up costume.  Even though its as thin as toilet paper and its currently negative 73 degrees out side! HA! I’m tempted to put the costume in the trunk and let her put it on when we get to the theater… After all I am the worlds most awesome mama…

What’s going on with ya’ll? What’s good… What’s bad… Whats just alright?

So I have an idea….

Welll I got it from REE!!!! So we were discussing a uhhhhhhhh grown and sexy kind of topic and she metioned that her FI had done something so wonderfully that she gave him an award for doing such a good job. He was honored of course and gave an acceptance speech. There were cheers and applauding all around!!!

Anyway, but that got me to thinking…. Remember when you were in grade school and your teacher would come to your desk and give you that AWARD for whatever reason… Just a simple piece of paper with your name written in the blank and that little tacky seal of approval in the corner…

Do you remember how that made you feel… DAMN GOOD!!!

Running home to show your mama and the other kids… You had done something GOOODDD!!!!

Sooooo here’s the plan, from now until next week, we should award our husbands….

I mean, its easy to rag on him for leaving his socks on the floor, or not using a coaster but what about the simple, little things he does do right on a everyday basis…

Did he take out the trash?

Did he give you a sweet compliment?

Did he go to work a job he hates?

Did he love your children?

Did he pick up the dry cleaning?

Everyday the man in your life does something necessary for the peaceful contiuation of your marriage and/or relationship…. I say its high time we honor them for it…

Sooooo I give you the FABULOUS MAN AWARD….

The large version of the award is available if you click here

Please come on over and register at the FORUM at www.brownandbridal.com and post his reaction to the award, pictures, if you have them, and if it had any effect on your relationship at all… Maybe he finallly picked up his socks the next day or maybe he gave you an award too…

I know its just a silly piece of paper but maybe it will make our men feel good and that is a good enough reason to do it…

I think it will be fun, and that is what life and marriage should always be….

This is the first part of a series I will be doing called OPERATION HAPPY MARRIAGE feel free to send me any ideas or suggestion about what you do to maintain a happy marriage! Contact me at brownandbridal@gmail.com!