We've never really done up gifts for our anniversaries so we are going to give each other a gift on each day of the trip. It can be like a gift gift. or like an experience but the twist is that each day has to coincide with the traditional gifts for anniversaries… Here they are:
 

1st Paper
2nd Cotton
3rd Leather
4th Linen or Lace
5th Wood

And knowing me and Michael… It is TOTALLY a competition… Like who can out romance, out fly each other… He is totally going to win… Cause I'm going to cry and be all emotional cause he even is doing this… LOL BUt I want to make a good showing… I have some ideas..

 

Paper:

 

Cause he loves puzzles

2nd

Cotton

Cause pink is my favorite color… And I love him in Boxer briefs… Side note… what is happening with ole' boys package in this photo?
 LMAO!

 

3rd Leather:

I don't know if it's really his style though… LOL

 

4th LAce…

This is ugly and very old but this is THE ONLY picture I could find of a plus sized African American woman in lace lingerie… And trust my googleFu is SKRONG… BUt some kind of lacy fabulousness would be lovely!

 

Five WOOD

 

Hmmm… Well maybe that would be something he would have to give to me….

 

Umm So ya… I need some help!! Help a sista out!!!

 

Stay fierce, Fabulous, and immaturely giggling about sexual innuendos concerning your husbands,

 

 

 

 

SO when I went ot the Dr. I finally talked to him about my horrible, terrible, no good dandruff/scalp problems… He diagnosed me as having Seborrhic Dermatitties….  Read that last word again… HEE HEEE I'm soo immature… LOL  Anyhoo… THe doc said I had Seborrhic Dermatitis… That means dang your scalp is raggedy! LOL NO actually that means my scalp is JACKED… NO that means dandruff, itchiness, and general ornery scalp is the plague of my exsistence…

My doctor promptly pulled out the solution… A steriod shampoo that I need to use for daily washes…. No conditioners, no oils, no extra ness with my huuurrrr..

My doctor is lovely but…. Ummm My doctor is very knowledgeable BUT… My doctor graduated at the top of his class from Northwestern or Yale or some snooty snobby shit I liked when I googled him BUT…

He may be the whitest of white people… Cause Child THIS BLACK WOMAN is not going to be capable of daily hair washes, detangling sessions and using your extra dry ass super chemical ass shampoo EVERYDAY boo…. I gave him a side eye took the prescription and proceeded to forge myself a prescription for vicodin, oxycotin, and crack cocaine… Cause it is way more likely that I will ues all of that, than put that mess on my head….  I sorry… I just can't! A typical hair washing session takes me MINIMUM 4 HOURS… AIN'T NO WAY!

Well at least not until I have Googled my bootay off to come up with some natural remedies that will not have me and my hair a mess… I know my obsession with my hair is less than healthy but step by step homie, day by day!  Antyhoo…

I started googling my tail off! I found fab natural hair blogs and lord! SOOO Much infolations!! It was AMAZING!!!!And very timely, I had planned a very serious hair session for last weekend since we were going to the lake house and the water pressure there gives me the FEEVAAHHH!!

I know you think I'm crazy for waxing poetic about water pressure… BUT if you've ever prepared yourself for a LONG HOT shower with all ya smell goods and lit up ya candles, and turned up ya music, and  told your children and husband to go play in traffic while calgon took you away… Only to turn on the shower and watch three little sad drops trickle from the shower head and SLIDE DOWN THE TILED WALL… You know nothing of my pain… Living in the house o' low pressure sucks ass cranks, Flaming hots and foolery… And will not even discuss the temperature control issue… Hot, Cold, Hell, Igloo… These are the option that come from my faucets… Sweet Baby Jesus take me from this place to the land of fly bathrooms and fab water pressha… But I digress…

ANYWAY…. 

We went to the summer cottage last weekend… (How very french provincial of me! Don't hate. LOL) Anyway, knowing that we would be up there and that MIchael and the kids would be doing their we are ALL White, Half-White, and White-ish o' how we love nature hikes thing… I knew it would be time for me to do some I am COMPLETELY BLACK, like AFRICAN BLACK and COMPLETELY FAB, LIke BAB DIVA FAB so no thank you to the 6 hour nature hikes and I have idea why you pinkish people are so strange about nature time…

So I planned a massive beauty day, I brought allll my product junkie-ism treasures, pedi and mani equipment, music, my good robe… EERYTHANG! Eerythang 'cept for something that will help with my scalp..DAMN! No problem! I'll just fire up the lapteezy and figure something out!  And then MIchael causally mentions that it seems tha innanets are out at the cottage…

First I said this:

And then I did this:

Seriously… Just like that… ' cept my afro was not a perfect as either of theirs… ( Ever notice that Florida Evans and Arnold Drummond had the same hairstyle?? :sings The More Youuu Knowww:)

So what did I do? Well I vaguely remembered some BABS, and some of the hair blogs singing the praises of apple cider vinegar… And there it was sitting in the cabinet at the cottaget so I threw caution to the fro and dumped the bottle on my head… SYKE!! Here is what I did… I put 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar and one cup of water into a spray bottle… I sectioned my hair and sprayed it directly on to my scalp. I massaged my scalp after spraying each section and then I went about my conditioning routine.. Then I had about half that mixture left so  i poured more water on it while in the shower and  used that as my final rinse… I was just going to leave it like that but then I got scared by the smell and seduced by the option of running that lovely water pressure all over my scalp again so I stood under the spray at full glorious blast for about 6 seconds… AND BABY My scalp looks, feels and is generally great!! I did try some other stuff but the ACV was the only thing that I specifically used for my scalp.. Its been about 6 days since I did it and I have just two sections that are very very lightly flaking…

YAY innanets!! YAY ACV!!! YAY MEE!!!

You know I realized this post could have been simply… I tried Apple Cider Vinegar on my scalp. It worked Beautifully. THE END.

But that's not why you come here, now is it … LOL

Stay fierce, Fabulous, and working on writing shorter blogs,

I am thankful for the question: What wonders will I achieve?

I am thankful for the wonder of me.

I am thankful for little girls and their giggles.

I am thankful for I wuuuuvvvv Ooohhh.

I am thankful for knowing that I was, am and will always be alright.

I am thankful for editing.

I am thankful for Grandmas.

I am thankful for Father in Laws.

I am thankful for my big brown blanket.

I am thankful for speaking my mind, calmly.

I am thankful for 31.

i am thankful for September 29th.

I am thankful for Redbox, Showtime, Starz, and Hulu.

I am thankful for butter.

I am thankful for my bike.

I am thankful Kanye and His Workout Plan.

I am thankful for the El.

I am thankful for pressure.

I am thankful for ignore.

I am thankful for books.

I am thankful for cake,Chocolatey,  Dense, RIch… CAKE

I am thankful for the innanets.

I am thankful ice cold juice and warm and toasty slippers.

I am thankful for Road trips.

I am thankful for Silly E. Badu, Jilly from Philly,  Maxwell and his fione ass, Gritty ass Al Green, and Marvelous Marvin.

I am thankful for you reading this.

Stay Fierce, Fabulous, and thankful…

Senam
 

Love is sooo good.. And so Beautiful… Kiss Your husband today, Hold your wife today… And thank your God for them every day….

Love is good ya'll, real good indeed….

Mother's Days have typically been fail-y for me. From Mother's Days with my mom criticizing the card or gift for not being enough or me not being enough, to Michael and his "I don't believe in them Holiday's" stuff,  to being pregnant with the twins and vomitting in my blinged out bucket, while Michael took the kids to get away from me and all the damn sickness, only to have me end up being rushed to the ER… Mother's Days have been. uh, less than stellar.

So this year, I didn't expect anything. I asked MIchael to take the kids to buy me a card, or help them hand make me one or something. As of yet, I haven't recieved it.  Maybe I will. Maybe I won't but I'll try not to let it hurt me. I also told him I thought it would be cool to write a mother's day letter from him to me that he could post on the blog… He's a good writer and letters from him always mean so much to me… But those kinds of things don't carry much weight with him. So he won't  understand why it would have been  important to me. I try to explain it… But his eyes just glaze over and he drifts away to union  mailman land. LOL. He doesn't mean it in a bad way and he's always been like this… So its one of those thing I need to accept handle deal with?.  Hell,I don't know what I need to do about it. But I know it's not going to worry me or my Mother's day. 

In his defense, he did say Happy Mother's Day this morning and make me my requested breakfast of an egg and toast and is doing the dishes and is being fantastically kind and loving.  This is a VAST improvement over past mother's days where I got a mass text message forwarded to me. I will take any joy I recieve today and be happy and count it all as joy. Also in fab husband news: last week, Michael and I  took a walk to Target where bought me this:

Ladies’ Schwinn Roxie Cruiser Bike

SQUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! 

Holy FLYNESS BABMAN! I am in love… I have always, always, wanted an extra girly, PINK ASS BIKE!  ALWAYS! So when I found this bike I wanted it soooo bad… SO BAD.  But when I went here and here they both said they were out of stock. Its a cruel cruel world… I said ah welll and expected to get  what I could get which seemed to be a light teal-y blue Magna (gag).

So imagine the kind of SHUCKING and JIVING gleeful, HA LAY LOO, Just found out I am not the father on Maury type dance scream and general Joytasticness that occurred when MIchael and I turned the corner and saw the Pink Schwinn Roxie Cruiser awaiting us in the bike section of the Target that is about 2.3 seconds from our house…

It went something like this.

LOL Ya'll think I'm playing but as soon as I saw this beezy. I started singing, " This is your day, AMMEEENN. This is your day, AMEEENNN. The day of the LAWWDDDD!" I think I may have even done the popping and locking and diving in front of the cashier but I can't be sure… Michaels been muttering some stuff under his breath about not being able to take me out in public if I keep break dancing on command like this but whatevs, I GOT MY BIKE! Tee hee.  It was my day, amen, the day of SENNNAAMMM. The day of SENNAAAMMMM. AMEN!

I've decided to name her I was debating if it was girl or a boy. But then I decided it was a Drag Queen-y Tranny type Shim like I suspect half these chicks are. 

(Let's be honest there are at least 2 Adam's Apple's & one package bump CLEARLY visible in this picture…)

 But realistically, I envision my bike as the kind of Drag Queen that would  Lip SANK for his Liiiffeee be the winner of this: 

Side note: I am completely aware that Rupaul is a 6 foot 15 inch bald head skinny ass man. BUT WHAT THE FABULOUS?! Who is in charge of this  fierce ass flawless makeup? His lacefrontologist deserves the Nobel HairPeace Prize! Cause I could swear that those luxrious blond locks are growing out of his bald ass head every single time he hits the runway…. I am TOTALLY Jealous of His Boogie."

So anyway, I love my bike… After a very brief twitter confence with @witchdoctordash and @thecolorbrowne who reccomended Gertrude and Keisha. I went with my first mind and named her myself…

Ladies and Gentleman… I give you PinKEISHA…

pronounced PAANKK-EY-SHHA plese reespeck the pronunciationamums.

As we rolled her up to the front of Target to purchase her, almost everybody we passed stopped to comment. Cool Bike! OMG its PANK!  It made me giggle that everybody thought my bike was fab. I'm on the hunt for a basket and some streamers for her! And of course a matching fabulous pink racing outfit for me to ride her in.

PinKeisha is one of the many first steps I'm making around this joint in the whole love and respect myself thang, we talked about in the first paragraph of this blog post. That night when we first got PinKeisha. Michael, Solstice, and I went for a bike ride while my mom and the twins slept.  It was amazing. Gorgeous night, Giggling family, and me being phyisically active and loving it.  Solstice said, Mommy, your bike is AWESOME and then asked me why I didn't get a Hello Kitty Bike with training wheels like hers. LOL. What'd I tell you… Flawless victory…. 

Well I'm off to put my flower in my hair, get a healthy snack, take a nap, and then head out to go use this thing I got yesterday: 

NO NOT The Wendy's Free Frosty thing…. LMAO… I AM GOING TO THE GYYYYMMMMMM.  Cause I want to have a 100 more days where my baby girl will wake up and say, Happy Mother's Day, Mommy.

 Stay fierce, fabulous, and Happy on Mother's Day and everyday,

Everywhere we go we are stopped. It most appropriately and affectionately know as the twin parade. Going to pick up toilet paper at Target with them is an obstacle course.

Complete with cheek pinching Grandma's who want to tell you all about their grandkids…

"Picture it… It was Sicilly…."

Or its Screeching teenage girls  who begin every sentence with OMG and love any and all things cute. And lets face it these kids I got are preettty cute

.

"OMG!!! SQUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE are they twins?  OMG they are so cute!  When I  grow up I want to have 5 kids, all boys. I'm toootallly going to name them Ronnie, Bobbie, Ricky, Lil' Wayne and O-M-G!"

People who shouldn't be allowed to talk to you with out a printed sign permission slip.

These people are the ones that make me go IN.

Asshat: "So which one them is the evil one?"

ME:"Which one of Your children is the STUPID one?"
__________________________________________

Negative Nelly: "OMG. Your done having kids right?

ME: Get out my uterus! Please and Thank you very much.

____________________________________________

ASSHAT #2: Twin boys!  You are totally going to hate your life soon!!  

ME: Well, I already hate you…Thats enough for me.

____________________________________________

NEgative Nelly #2: Oh my god, I'm sooo glad I didn't have twins. 

ME: Me too. God can't just be handing out twins to any random idiot now can he?

_______________________________________________________

So yea… It can be fun… LOL! No really it can be fun… Most of the stuff we get is people who are just amazed at what Twins really are… A DOUBLE BLESSING.  Sometimes you get people who quietly tell you about  their troubles having  children themselves. I always hold these ladies' or men's hands and tell them I'm sending them wonder working power of TWIN JUICE!  Some of you BABs know about the power of my twin JUICE! Lol,

Its silly and it makes us laugh but sometimes I think it gives some of them hope when they need it. Sometimes I get people who are just bowled over by the fact that there are actually 2 of them… IDENTICAL TWINS!!! WOW your so lucky…

It took me a while to get that but yea… I am SOOO Lucky…

Blessed beyond measure, Rich beyond treasure… Being the mother of Twins kinda, sorta, totally, and completely KICKS ASS. While along with all the double nonsense… I get double toothless grins, double little hands clapping when I come home, two little bitty bodies snuggled up against me at nap time, two hands to hold as they learn to walk, talk and navigate this world two beautiful, healthy, strong, little boys to call me mama and make me melt. Its sorta awesome.

I can't say when the doctor first told me it was twins the first thing I thought was, YES, this is going to be awesome… Nope the first thing I thought was… "where is Ashton? Cause clearly I'm being punked!" Ya'll think I'm playing… But I did… I even said that to the doctor… When he showed me both babies… I just laughed, and laughed and laughed…. Cause it was HYSTERICAL…. How could it be possible that I was having twins?

When they found out it was twins I had already had… Wait for it…

Wait for it….

3 ULTRASOUNDS!!!

Thats right snitches!!! They missed a whole extra baby in my va-jay-jay 3 times… The last ultrasound was a DAY before the one where they found the twins… So when from one day to the next it goes from your baby looks lovely to… Hmmmm Did you know  there were two in there?…. Its total Punk'd kind o' situation… It was a complete and total surprise in every sense of the word.

If you are around me at all now… You'll probably think I'm a nut. Cause even though I see these folks every single day… Sometimes the wonder and general fabulousness of it all still takes me by surprise.

Some mornings when I go to get them from their crib… I'll remark, Oh My goodness, There are TWO of YOU!!!" Like sometimes its still shocking to me… Solstice always looks at me sideways like. " ummm you know they are twins, right?

When I put their little hoodies and puffy vests on to take them somewhere… I'm always in here Awwwing and hollering about OMG! Soooo Cute! becuase lets face it… These cats are NOT PLAYING!

Now they hug, kiss, dance with, plot with and generally love the brakes off each other. And that really puts it all over the edge for me!

They are really, really, dope…. Like DOUBLE DOPE!

Since having them….My favorite thing to say is, " this twin stuff aint for NO PUNKS" Its true… So true.. this stuff is pure hell some days. What?!! You don't know by now that if there is one thing I do is keep it real….

The God's honest truth is there are days around here when it sucks…There are days when you could have called my house and you would have heard all of us crying…  Figuring out breastfeeding, figuring our post-partum, figuring out a 2 year-old sister with new twin baby brothers, Figuring out the Bonus children with two new babies, figuring out my marriage with two new babies, figuring out me with two new babies… it was EPPPPIIICCCCCC! Epic I tell you….

I don't really remember much of that first year…

I'm lying… I remember all that shit… I don't know if I'll ever forget…It almost killed me…

Mostly I remember somebody always crying (usually me), I remember the house always being a mess, I remember needing help sooo  sooo badly and nobody being able to (or willing to) help. I remember it all… probably too much..

But I did it… We made it…  and what I have learned is… I can do anything… Like really I think God gave me twins cause he needed to remind me how dope I am.  He needed to remind me that this damn Senam girl he made is kind of like Snapple. Made from the best stuff on earth.

And because of that I know to the very depths of my soul can do anything… Anything… Even stuff that seems completely and totally imposssibllleeee… Even make two whole fabulous humans at one time, and raise them their siblings in to fabulous GOOD people who give to this world in the best ways possible. Cause I can and am. Cause let's face it…. I'm double dope, too.

Stay fierce, fabulous, and made from the best stuff on earth from,

Does that real explain away the recent influx of shitty behavior by the people that I love? Well yes and no. Like maybe if I loved myself properly they will take my lead, love me better and then I will be able to love them better, as well. Who knows? But in an attempt to love myself more I can't lose…. So I'm with it.

I've been asking myself what does this ball of fabulous named Senam really really want? Some shit I want I can' fix. Like real talk the first thing I thought was I want to go back to 19 year old Senam and tell her to do EVERYTHING different cause she was at a great great risk of fucking EVERYTHING up. 

But err uh… My ass is 30 years old. and that was a mere 11 years ago. And not for nothing, I have no large clock, no kicking Delorian, and the real tragedy of it all no Doc Brown aka Christoper Lloyd in my life so there with be none of this:

So what I've decided is… Why not just fix what's not working with 30 year old Senam instead of being all pissed that 19, 20, 21, 22, and so on Senam mad these supposedly "HORRIBLE" decisions that have put 30 year old Senam in to her current predicament?  Cause it so much easier to be pissed off at old senam and pity New Senam by eating Oreos, buying elastic pants and pouting the days a way cause "its alll fucked up now… What's the point?"

Well the point is… I don't want 40 year old Senam to be pissed of at 30 year old Senam for all the shit that she could have done to fix everything.  And I DEFINITELY don't want 14 year old Solstice and 11 year old Cassius and Clay pissed off at me for not creating the best me so I could be uber fab for them. 

So the very thought of fourty year old Senam or hell 31 and 32 year old Senam is enough to kick this terrific thirty in to gear. I'm sooooo good at bringing the best out of other folks. Ask Vice president Husband. But now its time to bring out the very best out of Senam…. But first I have to really and truly figure out what Senam wants…

Well uh DUH! That's cake! ( NO I don't want cake although cake is delcious. I mean, cake as in, easy.)  I know exactly what I want! I want…. Ummm Well clearly I have always wanted…. The one fabulous thing that I want that will fix everything that I'm unhappy about is…..  :blank stare:

I have no idea…

Well I don't… How am I supposed to choose the one thing I want to do say, think, be for the rest of my life….

:Fourty year old Senam just texted me a picture of a middle finger and asked me to re-read that last line:

:Texts Fourty year old Senam a picture of TWO middle fingers and goes back to re-read:

:Text Fourty year old Senam a picture of a smiley face and gives her a virtual High-5:

How am I supposed to choose the one thing I want to do say, think, be for the rest of my life. 

UGH!

I always do this to myself. I think if I just have, do, get, be this ONE THING everything else will magically fall into place… So when the one thing doesn't work, everything (and I mean everything)  falls apart…

Its too house of card-y for me. And why to I have to be ONE THING for the rest of my life? Why can't it be okay to want something for right now, work at achieving the goal and then evaluate what about it fits and what doesn't and then make changes and plans according to that? And how could any ONE THING be all that I'll ever need and want?

Sooo I've been on autopilot in so many ways the past few months… Really some days it feels like its too hard to keep standing. I think something about me and the first quarter of this year were not in agreement. Thats hard for me cause I really wanted this to be a fantastic year. But really that ain't saying nothing cause everybody goes into every year wanting it to be fantastic…. I mean, are there people who on the first of the year say… Man, I'd love for it to be fucked up around this joint til about Mid-April…

So let's see these are the happenings and life shattering realizations I'm working on…

Daycare tragically didn't work out for us right now... Financially it wasn't do able so… its not being done. I feel bad saying this but that really took the winds out of my sails a bit…  I just had gotten my whole mind set to no longer be a stay at home mom. But alas that is what I am once again… Well that is just on aspect of who I am at the present time. But for the about 2-3 weeks that I did have daycare it was lovely. The kids did good there and I did great here. Now we are all doing great together… I'm shaking it off and embracing full SAHM-dom…

Let see, My step-children are hitting puberty and tragically their mother has not and probably WILL NOT. You'd think at the ripe old age of 40 folks would like to be grown but tragically that ain't the case here. There is SO much more to say but I will let God  and the Universe handle it.

The Alchemist might be the greatest book ever written. Really I could write 80 paragraphs explaining to you the unmitigated kick assiness but…

just click that link, buy that book, get you a blanket, something delicious to drink and a few hours with nothing to do but read that book and you'll get it. I will accept flowers, cards, candy, and CASH as a thank you for putting you on. Your Welcome!

Fighting over rice is ridiculous and I love my brother more than words can express. So my mom is living with my brother and his wife, and its not working out at all. Currently the arguement is that the rice that my mother makes stinks. Not Jambalya. Not Dirty Rice. Just plain white rice with butter and possibly salt. So of course, my mom has to make the rice every chance she gets… LOL but I just think that someday when life is over and all the rice has been cooked  BOTH of them will realize the sheer ridiculousness of  this and wish that both had been kinder and more understanding of each other. Cause its sad.  Do you know that saying, when two elephants fight the only one who truly suffers is the grass. Meet my brother or as I have now directed Solstice to call him: Uncle Grass. My poor brother is suffering. I can't imagine what he is going through. But even still in the midst of all the madness he still was available to threaten to put his foot in MIchael's ass when neccessary. I love him.  I've tried to organize a sort of mama share where my mom comes to stay with us half the time and them half the time. But she wants to live in tha suburbs, and I live in the city, she's disabled and can't work to get her own place, and I can't afford to get her one…. and Jesus-be-a-fence. 

Watching my mother go through this has triggered something in me. I don't want this for her… but the real thing it triggered is I don't want that for me.

Being on stage in front of a crowd feels like home. Michael and I went to a event hosted by my gorgeous friend Cara who is fucking gorgeous and even MORE fucking talented ( I know what you are thinking, "Senam, I didn't know you had a twin named Cara" Well Cara hosts a night for storytelling here in a very hip artsy part of town that I used to frequent before Babygate 2006 and it sequel Babygate part Deux  (subtitle: Buy One baby, Get One Baby free.)

So we got an invite and  Michael told me he was going… Which was his sort of way of asking me if I wanted to go but not really asking me if I wanted to go cause God Forbid that he has to be the one to make the babysitting. life, date night, or show my wife some kind smidge of fucking appreciation for all of her kick-assery arrangements. Naw can't be none of that… So he says to (or snarls at) me, "Cara's story shit is this Thursday. I'm going, What you going to do?" I must have looked at him like my name was Miss Celie:

"Til you do right by me"

LOL! Cause after he saw my face he tried to clean it up  a bit and said, "I'm going, wanna come?" So, I said a little prayer for God to guide my African tongue to not go to the west side of Ghana on his Jewish ass.

So when I opened my mouth all that came out was, Shalom.. LMAO! No I didn't.  I said sure. Thanks for the invite.

But then he got snotty and was all like well I'm not coming to pick you up, you gotta meet me over there, who you going to get to babysit, and all this blah, blah, blah… Which brings us to a second mini-revelation from the first few months of the year: My husband is kind of a dick. These past couple of months have been an experiement in dickdom… And not the good kind. LOL

Along with that realization  came this one….

I picked his ass.

Sigh.

And in front of my mama, God, and all them random folks he invited to our wedding I swore I would love him even when he was unlovable. So on days when he is being a dick  and I can't remember why it is exactly that I picked him…  I do remember that I did pick him… 

But lets not be crazy, i will whoop his ass if he keeps this shit up… In the immortal words of the great country folk artist, Tupac, " I'm not a killer but don't test me"  And no I'm not going to go into all the details of the dickdom.. But I will say he aint on not Tiger Woods-ery or no Mike Tyson-ism cause 1. You would have seen me and him on TV cause unlike Elin I would have put that golf club right UP HIS ASS and 2. Bitch please! But really its the kind of stuff that if I rehash all the details will just piss me off more and have some of ya'll crazies (this means you FEE) tryna catch flights… And you know how it goes, eventually I'll forgive him but if I tell my girls they never will…

I do think he is just having a hard time adjusting to the new job, a big brithday, and is a man. So I'm trying D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E-L-Y not to drop kick his ass… For the time being.

Anyway where was I? Applause is nice, Dick-y husbands are not.  Yea, so the name of the show is Grown Folks Stories.  And it was awesome. Really just  free form study in fabulous. Basically, everyone who wants to puts their name into the bowl and when your picked you come up and tell a story.  One girl sang a song, but for the majority it was a bunch of funny and emotinal stories about "that one time".  

So my mom was here after APOCALYPSE RICE so she was there to watch the kids and I got all dressed up and gorgeous. A cute little denim dress with those hidden pockets, a cute little shrug, fab heels, and of course my ever present flower in my hair. I looked good. But when I came out the room my mom told me I needed to go to dressing school cause I needed to learn how to dress myself. According to her I always make myself look ugly. Sigh. I know its not true, I know she's in a shitty situation and always treats me like this but even at 30 it still sucks. A lot.  But I shook it off cause 1. I know its not true 2. cause even though she does mean it that way she doesn't mean it that way. Its just a way of trying to control me cause she can't anymore and 3. Keepin it diva means Keepin it moving even when somebody throws a roadblock in your way. So I kept it moving. Turns out Michael actually needed me to pick him up. I stopped to get gas and 3 (count 'em 3) different dudes tried to holla. One of them was toothless but hey it was nice confirmation that I looked nice even though Captain Hater said otherwise. Michael thought I looked cute too.

I don't know why I didn't think about it before but when we got there and I saw everyone in the circle and one person up there with a mic, it occurred to me that it had been about 4 years since I'd  been on stage.

Do ya'll know? In my former life, I was a performer…

*me at 22 singing at  a fundraiser for HOWARD DEAN" Yup that was a long ass time ago*

I was a poet. I take it back.. I AM  a poet, a singer and a fantastic performer but for some reason this motherhood, wifedom, thing made me stop writing the words…  There's something to that…. but this is just one post for christ-sake.

Anyway, when they asked me if I wanted to go I said no with the QUICKNESS!  LOL!  But inside I wanted to… I needed to. Like being in that room let me know, I needed to be reminded of that version of Senam… Cause I'd forgotten all about her.

To be completely honest, I've been really dick-y to her… She be calling me and shit and I don't even pick up the phone… I don't return her calls. She tried to take me someplace so we could talk and I took her keys from her.  I got caught up in some bullshit that some super wack folks told me about Old Senam so I got it all twisted. So Old Senam was pleading with me to love her and treat her good, and I told her she didn't matter to me anymore, that I didn't need her,  and Ididn't love her…

So yea… I been tripping… Anyhoo standing there watching these folks go, and the audience laugh, and clap and enjoy the offerings… I remembered something about the Alchemist and I motioned to Cara that I'd like to tell a story.

So then I had to take a moment and try to sweet talk Old Senam to please talk to New Senam cause even though New Senam been dogging her out it was only cause New Senam was trying to figure herself out but real talk New Senam ain't shit with out Old Senam cause Old Senam is was and always will be "tha SHEEEETTTTT" 

For a few minutes there, Old Senam was looking at New Senam like:

*Get this old Beady Eyed crackhead up off of me!*

But thankfully New Senam got some act right, apologized, and pledged to never mistreat Old Senam again.  Old Senam understood that New Senam had a whole different life and responsibilities and all kinds of fabulousness so Old Senam needed to be respectful of that and figure out someway to work with New Senam cause New Senam was pretty amazing as well, but she needed Old Senam to support her to full fabulousity.

So when Cara got on the mic and said… "You ready, Senam?" New Senam yelled, NO (for real ya'll that trollop said that shit out loud!) But Old Senam Grabbed New Senam's hand and together they went up there, grabbed the mic….

And can I be honest… Me, Myself, and Old/New Senam KILLED IT! It was great…. I WAS GREAT! That night  filled me up in a way that I didn't even know I'd been missing. I did great, everyone laughed, and clapped and hooted, and they were all into the story… Its a good story too… One day I'll tell ya'll… But not today… Cause I'm tired.. and cause I'm about to go to sleep. Cause I'm about to snuggle up to the less dick-y version of Michael that is here today who just came up to me and kissed me and told me he loved me, out the blue for no reason.

Cause in the immortal words of the great Elton John… I'm still standing better than I ever did… looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid…

Cause I'm still standing yea, yea, yea… I'm still standing, YEA, YEA, YEA….

Stay Fierce, Fabulous, and STANDING,

And now it is 11:06 pm and I have been trying upload the MONDAY MOTIVATION ALLLL DAMN DAY!!  I didn't have time to type it up so I did I did a quick video on it this morning… Quick and dirty in and out just upload it to yourtube and get the day a crack-a-lacking… But alas… everything is hating on me… That or I should have planned better… but I will choose everything is hating on me and keep it pushing…. Don't you give me that damn side eye, TROLLOP! I'm trying…

Anyhoo… The video is approximately 50 % done uploading  and If I don't have a fit of narcolepsy from chasing these chillun all over the world today I will post it immediately! If not We just going to have to Call this weeks Monday Motivation a Try it again Tuesday!  LOL!

I hope ya'll like these… Cause I'm enjoying doing them!

UPDATE:11:56 pm… I think I finally got it together!!

Monday Motivation! from Brown And Bridal on Vimeo.

Stay fierce, fabulous, and  Convinced that Youtube is hating on me specifically,

Hello lovelies!! I'm having some technical difficulties getting the links to work but I'll fix them and wirte a bit more when I get back from taking the babies to school!! So check back here!!! 

In the meantime Start the strecthes and endurance exercises! LOL!

I'll start and official thread over on the forum for us to discuss our daily progress… And special "plans"?