I’ve decided to share with you all again. One reason is because it’s therapy to me. I went back and read older blogs while going through issues in the relationship with L and it really opened my eyes to some things I was not fully seeing.  Another is, you keep asking! I apologize for disappearing on you all! I will do better, I promise!

Update on L and I. We stopped dating in April, after I caught him in some lies. After several weeks we agreed to be friends because of a common association we have. The animosity between us was very noticeable at on of the associations functions. We agreed to try to be friends and not enemies. The friendship went fine for a month or so, then he began crossing the lines of our friendship. Calling and texting me too much. Asking could we date again. I told him I felt the communication was too often and why we could not date. Which only shut him up for about a week. Long story short, we are no longer friends. I found out he was still lying and deceiving when were only friends. I shared something information with another party involved in all this and washed my hands of him.

Update on my dating life, I am still dating, no one exclusively. A friend of mine told me to date and have fun, that is exactly what I have been doing. While having fun I am getting to know a few gentlemen. I even have a crush on a fellow! Overall, I am not rushing into anything and looking forward to what the future holds for my love life!

I’ve told people about the break up only because they’ve asked, “how is Donovan?” and I don’t feel right lying to people.  When I do, here comes the 0.02. A “well if it’s meant to be…” is fine, but leave it at that, please. Don’t try to tell me to go ahead and see what else is out there. Don’t tell me that I’m over-reacting. Blah blah blah. It’s like I am not entitled to my own feelings.

Some times I can appreciate those on the outside of a situation giving input…this is not one of those times. Someone even tried to suggest that I sign up for another dating site. I don’t get it. I’m not shutting the door on a new man coming into my life, but dang. It’s only been TWO weeks. Was I supposed to go out the next day in my freak’um dress? People these days…

#1 Do not disappoint me

If you say you are going to do something do it. It’s pretty simple. Words mean nothing without the action behind it! Examples of this are: If you say we are going on a date. Have a plan. Do not cancel over some bull either! I will look at you like you’re the bull you spoke.

#2 Do not do things at the last minute

This is connected to #1. Canceling or changing plans at the last minute bothers me! I understand when it’s an emergency, but when you just bs’ing then you need to get the hell on!

#3 Do not contact me everyday

In the early stages of dating (first few weeks) do not call or text me everyday. This will quickly be ignored or responded to extremely late. Not because I’m being a mean or playing games, but because I don’t want to talk to you everyday! I do not know you like that!

#4 Actions speak louder than words

This ties into #1. Show me that you like me as well as saying it! Instead of only talking about where you want us to go, lets go there! If you are all talk then I do need to waste my time on you!

I’m tired of being disappointed, men not respecting my time, ignoring call and hearing fake promises! So these are my new pet peeves… and rules!

When we met, in a fast food restaurant, to exchange gifts he was visibly unhappy. He tried to be playful like we normally are, but I was not having it. I wanted him to talk to me or leave me alone. After a few minutes of stalling, he asked me was I happy with how things played out. I told him no, but I can not make something work with one side of the situation unknown. He told me he was unhappy with how things played out but did not offer any solution or open up. We left the parking lot and went our separate ways.

One thing I hate with a deep passion, my time being wasted. I feel he has been wasting my time. He is unsure about a relationship with me but has not said that. I gave him several chances. Even been hanging out in this gray area to give him time and still got nothing. That is more than enough signs that he is not ready and I need to move on!

The last few days have not been the happiest between me and L.  He’s been getting on my nerves, but who doesn’t!  We’ve been lingering in this gray area for a while now. The main rule in the gray area is letting each other know if we decide to date someone else..

All the extras: checking in with each other throughout the day and all the other little things you do in a relationship, just that extras! Like the toys in your box of cereal! When those extras do not happen one begins to worry or wonder, but since it’s not in our rules we don’t say nothing.  Which has become extremely annoying to me.  After dating for 7 months being in the gray area in words is one thing but emotionally a completely different scenario.

We have a lot going on in our personal and professional lives so I try to limit my complaining.  I however can not hide emotions so it has become obvious I have an issue with us. Which caused him to ask me his simple question. I explained how I was feeling and why, but he responded with a simple sentence. After I said all that I had to say I was upset to get something so simple back. I try to get him to say more by opening up more, but got the same response.

I told him how I that simple answer wasn’t enough and maybe we should not be having the conversation though instant messenger. Somehow the convo continued. In the end he suggested we take a step back since I have issues with the gray area.  I told him, a step back would mean we were over. I have done the rollercoaster ride relationship before and I am not willing to do it again. He replied with a simple “ok”.

I kinda… sorta… went off after that. Who just says “ok” to that.  Well a man, but still! So after seeing I was at the highest level of pissed-tivity he says we should talk face to face. (&%#$# didn’t I say that!) I told him that would be best and avoided all his attempts to talk to me for the rest of the work day. I was heartbroken and had nothing nice to say.

I find myself questioning if this is where I want to be. I use to do this everytime the slightest thing went wrong. That’s just me. I question everything. I’m analytical like that. The smallest things like a sudden change in our plans, a canceled date or an attitude mades me do this. I an trying to do this less.

I’ve been in bad relationships that I knew I needed to leave but didn’t. I’ve been in relationships I thought were great and realized later they were no where near great. In this one, I feel I try harder, forgive mistakes more and don’t admit when certain actions frustrate me way to much. I find myself in the medium of the good and bad relationships I’ve been in before. My mixed feelings are starting to show in my actions.

   Exclusively dating is great the first month or so, but after several months it gets hard.  The lines start getting blurred.  I find myself doing “girlfriend actions” because that is where my comfort level is with him.  I try not to limit what I do and feel for him, but feel I have to now.  

   We have been dating for over 6 months, exclusive since August.  We are at the decision point.  He mentioned this about 2 months ago.  At that time I had not thought about it and told him I would.  I brought it up a few weeks ago while we were cuddled up watching television.  His reaction did not make me happy.  He was surprised I asked and obviously not prepared for the conversation.  So, I let it go.  I said something about it again this week.  He pulled a Matrix move on the conversation so I let it go again.

   Now, exclusively dating means “Let’s hang out in this gray area” to me.  This sucks.  It’s like an alternate universe!  I’m sitting here wondering how did I walk into the Twilight Zone and not here that annoying music!  I am trying to be patient because I really like him, but I am not sure how much longer my patience with this situation is going to last.

     The getting to know you part was not fun, well for me, but once we got past that we have been moving forward.  Yes we hit some bumpy spots, but have learned to communicate more as a result of them. 

     We are trying to keep an open mind and have no major expectations.  No need to rush things right?  The plan is to let our relationship progress naturally.  So far so good with this.  Everyday is a new day, so we will see how it goes. 

     I am still dealing with a few internal things.  The major issue is getting use to dating again.  As you know I am coming from something a lot more serious.  I am working on enjoying the dating journey.  As we learn more about each other, I realize I am learning more about myself. 

     I still meet men who try to “holla”, but none sparked my interest.  L and I still have the open communication rule in place.  I love this because it keeps things out on the table.  Neither one of us has felt the need to go elsewhere.  This may or may not change.  For now it’s working.  For now I am just enjoying the journey.  

Now I am seeing it from the other side.  I realize how it can make your significant other feel.  It does raise questions in your head. 

Are being more than cordial? 

Is there are still feelings between them?  

Feelings from one of them to the other? 

What happens when you are not around? 

It has me wondering if I am comfortable with this?

I have done some thinking about it.  Considering my own situation I realize, I do not feel it’s fair to put every mother and father in the “parents who hate one another” box.  Do we have to be cordial to raise our kids?  No, but I feel it does make the situation easier on everyone.

A relationship it boils down to trust and communication.  We have to trust the one we are with.  We can not control the mother/father of their child’s actions or emotions.  Of course there are all type of stories where things go differently, but the “what if’s” can not dictate our lives. 

Oh, the joys of dating again!

I have shared with you all my fear of falling in love. It is connected to my fear of being hurt. We all know there are plenty of Mr. Wrong’s out there. Sometimes the process of figuring out they are wrong gets us hurt. Shoot my previous Mr. Right did a 180 degree turn and became Mr. Wrong in a matter of months.

I believe those closest to us can hurt us the most. I use to keep so many people at a distance because of my fear. Now I know getting hurt is a risk we take when becoming close to others. I am taking this risk daily!

]]> http://blogs.brownandbridal.com/getting-hurt/137/feed/ 1